Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
