imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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