I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
