I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
