WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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