she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
