capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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