you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
