I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
