my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
