she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
