You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
