Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
