I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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