her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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