i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
