So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
