Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
