We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
