I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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