do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
