just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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