i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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