So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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