Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sober January is a disaster.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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