If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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