my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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