I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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