I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
