just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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