Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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