Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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