Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
