even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
