would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
