In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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