what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
