I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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