Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
