I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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