By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
