I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
