The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
