he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
