whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
