I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
