Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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