Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize