So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
