he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh god it's open bar.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
