his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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