shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
