Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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