some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
