I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
