The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
