don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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