im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
