you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
