remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
