tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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